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Penitent
Oct 26, 2017 (09:08 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Over 3 years without a bump?
 
Preposterous!
 
New quitters, please take time to read the complete thread. You will benefit.
 
Penitent on day 4,909 
 
 

The habit of despair is worse than despair itself

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Timbo637
Mar 29, 2014 (10:14 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Bump for PM.
 
Hang in there Paul. 

Tim

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VIV
Dec 27, 2013 (06:55 AM) Reply | Quote 


        
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This thread has made an interesting read and one I can relate to. No matter how bad things get, our situations can not be improved by returning to smoking. It's good to have got to a stage where I am confident that smoking is no longer an option so I don't waste my time thinking about it. So different from earlier days spent in flights of fancy or feelings of deprivation. Yes, it's good to move on! N.O.P.E. VIV XXX

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Hot SiO2
Dec 17, 2013 (05:25 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hey Todash!!
 
      I've always enjoyed reading your posts, as I see a lot of you in me.  I missed your posts when you were on your LoA caring for your boy, but I do understand how time for reflection and writing can be non-existent!  I'm so glad you're back!  I know your words of wisdom have been helpful to many here!
 
      You have changed and become a very strong woman since you began your journey and like me, still have lots to learn about many things in life. Lots to learn like our newest class of quitters here now!  Be proud of that inner strength you have found!! You definitely have a lot to offer and I look forward to reading your posts.
 
            Jim

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Todash
Nov 22, 2013 (06:49 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Guys, thanks for listening.  I'd have come back sooner but had more nonsense the past couple days that just makes me want to steal a horse and ride away.  But it's nearly Friday so there's that.
 
Kristine, I'm sorry I made you cry but I am glad if it helped you get through a rough patch.  This post has been building in my head for a while and I just had to blow it out here.  In part because someone close (who happens to be a smoker) told me in a raging argument a couple days before I posted that I'd changed completely when I started working with my current employer.  My response was 'no, I changed completely when I quit smoking'.  And I have.  In some ways I really don't like who I have become and desperately miss the pacifist.  There was so much less conflict back then.  I've gone so far over the other way I scare myself sometimes.  As a smoker I didn't rock the boat too much, I went along with things that I may not have agreed with but the long and short of it is I never stood up for myself.  Now I flat out refuse to take any crap from anyone.  And this too can be the wrong attitude.  I'm kind of in limbo at the moment.
 
In a nutshell, what I guess I'm trying to say is that in all the reading I've ever done on the SSC, and all the discussions I've ever had with people who are or have been at any time smokers, it is always this - the emotional fallout - that seems to trip people up.  I've never read about a failed quit that didn't start with a tale of a huge emotional outlay of some kind.  This stress.  That anger.  Those arguments.  Another sorrow.  It is not cigarettes we are actually battling.  It is ourselves.  It is our inability to cope without a crutch.  And that is a 'must learn' before anyone can actually hold tight to that elusive quit.  We have to be willing to step into the void and know that sometimes if we truly believe in ourselves it's really possible to fly.
 
I personally will not turn back to smoking but it has been a serious challenge handling these emotional things with only 7 years' practice.  I no longer light up but I lash out.  I used to have a short fuse but now I seem to have no fuse.  Troubling.
 
What I believe now is that those who have never smoked were just better able throughout their lives to manage emotional situations.  They have a healthier outlook and a higher EQ (not IQ but EQ) than the rest of us who do/did smoke.  Whether it's nature or nurture which gifts them with this ability to cope has yet to reveal itself (I'm thinking it's the former) but some people are simply better equipped to deal with things.  Otherwise how can we explain that rich celebrity who overdoses after a bout of 'stress' versus the homeless busker with ratty shoes who keeps playing that guitar and singing his heart out every day, knowing and believing everything will get better, and contented to do what brings him joy in the meantime.
 
We are in a constant battle to win control of those emotions.  I have been fighting my own mind and heart for seven years.  Cigarettes won't win but there is still something missing.  I think it's when we find that 'thing' that we are fully recovered.  I will keep looking.  I think for me 'that thing' is nearing age 2 and calls himself 'son'.
 
Keep on trucking, everyone.  I have a very deep caring for all my 'virtual' friends here, whether I'm here or not.  I am proud to be part of this community and always always welcome new survivors, new SSC warriors, to the front line.
 
May you all fight the good fight.  And keep winning.
 
x T 

Soaring.

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LovesFred
Nov 20, 2013 (04:32 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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All I can say is thank you for sharing. I will attempt to virtually inject that thought into my old bean and hang on. It's funny you should bring up the emotions thing. I was driving to work this morning in the dark and rain. Trucks splashing and whipping the rain around you, pushing the car toward the cars in the other lanes. I was rather nervous if not juuust a tad scared. Up pops the idea that a smoke would help. Hell no, I'm not taking my hands off the steering wheel to light up, even if I had them. WTF is THAT about? Scared = smoke? NO WAY! When I got where I was going I laughed at myself, but the emotions thing is ginormous. Bored = smoke (NOT GOING TO) Happy = smoke (NOT) Angry/sad/lonely/joyous = smoke (NOTNOTNOT GONNA HAPPEN) and thank you again for sharing. Amazing story and incredible will power. 
 
Denise 

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Eyja
Nov 20, 2013 (09:24 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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aaahhh Todash . . .
I'm sooo glad you finally checked in!  I was worried about you (and baby) when you didn't post your big news way back in Feb last year!  Congratulations on the birth of your sweet son!  Better late than never to send a big hug to you and your family ;)  I love your spirit, honesty and style!  Who wouldn't??
I'm so glad you've found your voice in so many arenas of your life.  Also, incredibly proud of you and admire those amazing quit smoking stats you are flaunting these days.  Woo Hoo for You!  
Ya know we love you here Todash - if you ever need a kind word of support, a pat on the back, a helping word, a shared tear - please remember us here at SSC .  It's a pretty fine outlet too. 
Thanks so much for posting.  XOXOXOX  - Eyja 

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Lolly 2
Nov 20, 2013 (04:15 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hi Todash
 
Good for you!  Your strength is an inspiration to us all!
 
Thinking of you...
 
Love Lolly.   

Lolly.  

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Penitent
Nov 19, 2013 (08:10 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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T,
 
Stunningly frank and a jolt to us all. Thank you.
 
In my thoughts, friend.
 
Penitent x
 
 
 

The habit of despair is worse than despair itself

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Kristine82
Nov 19, 2013 (12:19 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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I just cried reading this. I haven't smoked in almost three months and sometimes it is still really hard, so I admire your strength in the face of so many difficult things. Thanks for coming back to share this with everyone. It was just what I needed to read today.

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Todash
Nov 19, 2013 (10:52 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hello.  Long time.  This seemed like an appropriate place to say this, so firing away.

I'm two months away from being quit 7 years, and may I freely admit that this emotions thing, friends, is still a MAHOOSIVE issue.  Smoking however is not.  I am never going to smoke again, this I know.  And I wish I could take that thought, extract it, and inject it into the brain of everyone who is new at this quitting thing, everyone who is climbing walls and screaming at their friends and family and alienating even the family dog and desperately eyeing the 7-11 on a drive by thinking 'justonejustoneifIjusthaveoneitwillallend...'  Yes, it will.  It will all end.  So don't.  Take this thought, virtually inject it into your old bean and hang on.

Hang on.

I have determined over the past few days that it is only because I was able to find an outlet for dealing with the emotions that cropped up in the early days that I have been able to quit smoking and to stay quit.  For me, that outlet was exercise, fast and furious, slow and steady, however I could get it. For you, it may be jigsaw puzzles.  Or underwater basket weaving.  Or scrubbing the bathtub.  Find that outlet and love it.  Take it on a date.  Buy it a diamond ring and a six pack of Bud.  Marry it and drink it in.

The emotion thing rages on in my life because quite simply my life rages on.  If I were to believe I may have been a particularly rotten egg in a previous live to be dealt some of the blows in this one...well, what am I saying 'if'?  I clearly was a right cow.

In February 2012 I had meant to come back and joyously celebrate the birth of our first child and say 'yes that is one of the reasons I quit!  I'm elated!  Life is perfect now!'  I had meant to come back and say those things, but when our son was born with Down's syndrome and the doctors scared the bejeezus out of us with their astonishingly low expectations and the rest of the family began behaving as if my husband and I weren't able to raise him properly, that we needed help and he needed fixing (read: therapy) by 'professionals', well, I didn't think it was a good time to come back.  What we did to deserve such little family support when we most needed it?  Only the big guy upstairs knows that one, but it has lit an inferno in me.

But I haven't smoked.

Today, my son remains my light and my life.  He is healthy and strong and so mildly affected by this condition that although concerned for what his future will hold, we are no longer afraid.

As a smoker I could not have handled this unexpected scenario.  I could not have been strong enough to understand that the cards we are dealt have been dealt for a purpose.  That purpose may be because we have been a rotten cow in a previous life.  Or that purpose may be because there is something we are missing and we are needing to learn.  The stress of being gestational diabetic and the condescending medical bods all around us before his birth didn't help ease us in to this new and amazing life.

Yet all that stress and I didn't smoke.  I didn't feel any need whatsoever.

Late last year, my father fell ill with what they thought was pneumoia and was later diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  We raced home for a last family Thanksgiving because we didn't know how much time was left.  He saw his grandson thriving and that lifted me more than any Marlboro ever did.  He chain smoked for another three months and on my last solo visit as he was under hospice care from two of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege to meet, he passed away in his recliner - an old brown corduroy job, liberally peppered with burn holes - precisely one hour before I left his apartment to fly back home.  For reasons I won't include here, my only brother and I are now irreparably estranged.

And I didn't smoke.  I won't ever smoke again.  I have seen what it does.  Dad once was a big scary man.  He died a frail, scared man.  From smoking.

What I did do since I quit smoking is to train for, and run a 10k to raise money for cancer research, in memory of my Pop.  I am still no runner, in fact, I've still got a pretty good overuse hip injury, but that there was the most important thing I've ever done.  And I suspect anyone reading this will perfectly understand why.

What I did do was find my voice.  And I have a BIG mouth.  I was bullied back in the day and now with nothing to quash my anger, fear, irritation, whathaveyou, I speak up and I speak out.  It is causing a problem in the family.  Yet I will not go quietly.  I will not be walked upon.  And I will not smoke.

And nor should you.

Hang on.

x T

Soaring.

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Josie-Health Educator
Jun 22, 2012 (05:31 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Nicely done Jim!
 
This is a great way to support !

Josie, Health Educator

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Hot SiO2
Jun 22, 2012 (04:07 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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You're welcome Rose!
 
      I've decided to go through Forum topics and if there has been no activity for a few days, I'm bumping up a thread that I think will be helpful for someone!  At least that way there's something new on the boards and hopefully someone will read the posts, get something out of it and respond!  Feedback from members to members is important!  So, be on the lookout for threads you haven't seen before!  Bound to be something helpful to read!  I've bumped a few in the last couple days under different topics.  Check them out!
 
        Have a great smoke-free weekend!
 
                 Jim
 

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Roses
Jun 22, 2012 (09:44 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Thanks for the Bump Jim...The emotions are the hardest part to staying quit for me..I really needed to read this post..It helps to know I am not loosing your mind and that others have had a hard time with letting themselves feel the emotions for the first time too.  That they have learned how to feel them and been able to move past them to a brighter future..
 
Red...
 

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Hot SiO2
Jun 20, 2012 (05:31 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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You are welcome, Carlos!!
 
     There are so many great posts on these forums from many who have conquered the nico-demon before us!  When you have time, just browse through different Forum categories and you will find more great posts!  If you find an old one you think will be helpful, reply to the post and it will bring it forward for others to read!
 
    You're doing great so far, buddy!!!  I'm proud of you, too!!!  Keep up the great quit you have going !!!
 
                 Jim 

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