Joined: Apr 20, 2017
Last Visit: Apr 20, 2017
I'm a 31 year old male who desperately wants to quit smoking, but the "transformation" that I will talk about next, is hindering my will to do so. I've decided to join you all and share my experience as I am really at my wits end. I FEEL I can't quit, yet my body is begging for me to stop.
Let me explain...
I started smoking almost 15 years ago. My habit quickly became a pack a day. It wasn't until I tried quitting almost ten years later that I realized my "true self" came out whenever I did quit. This "true self" came with TREMENDOUS benefits, ranging from more physical energy, to simply being a better person, with much more compassion and understanding for others. My anxiety melts away, my senses came back to life.
All great right?
I thought so until my Mother unexpectedly passed a year ago and I tried to quit and realized that this "higher awareness" guy that comes out when I quit, started getting extremely emotional as memories rushed back. Sure, higher levels of oxygen etc help you feel better once you quit, but I'm talking about feeling like I have to RELEARN how to live! I'm SCARED, yet oddly excited to live this "new and improved" life, but honestly sometimes feel handicapped, both physically and emotionally.
When I light up, it takes to a realm of "known" - a crappy feeling at best, but at least I KNOW what it feels like and know how I will feel. When I quit, I feel EVERYTHING has a new (positive) meaning, almost as if someone changed the soundtrack to my life (if that makes sense).
I have INCREDIBLE (healthy) confidence, food tastes better, I feel like I can get more things done, my brain actually works better and is at it's "peak power", I eat better, I exercise, I don't stink of smoke, I save a ton of money, I'm more responsible, I require less sleep ............. I mean that's only a FEW of the benefits I personally find whenever I quit. BUT! The "higher awareness" brings with it a lot of fear of the unknown, fear that I have to learn how to live and function in society again.
I've searched the ends of the net to find other people who are going through something similar .... I don't want to feel this alone on this journey. I'm looking for help and for someone to explain what actually could be happening. I thank you all in advance for sticking out reading this post and sorry for how disorganized it is, I really just plopped my thoughts as they came to mind.
I FEEL I'VE BEEN IN A COMA FOR 15 YEARS AND NOW JUST SLOWLY WAKING UP - I'M EXCITED, BUT SCARED - PLEASE HELP!
Have a blessed day!