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Tequila Mockingbird
Dec 05, 2018 (11:39 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 03, 2018
Last Visit: Dec 06, 2018
1065840

I feel like I have some older brothers and sisters showing me the ropes - thanks Stella, Timbo and Sparrow! I now have a pack stashed under the bleachers at my local park. Stopped by at 6:30AM and had one and will stop by before going home at 6:30PM in between will try not to buy/bum etc - looking forward to sleep at night because that's the only time I don't think about it .... everything else is an emotional blur ... does not make me the best dad/husband right now ... I cannot express enough how hearing these replies and support is helping me not to say 'screw the whole thing' but feel this is still an accomplishment to build on for the upcoming 'quit'

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Timbo637
Dec 04, 2018 (06:06 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 475
Joined: Dec 03, 2013
Last Visit: Dec 12, 2018

Gender: Male
Country: United States
Occupation: Laboratory technician
Hobbies: Computer nerd, bird watching
1064844

1871
Smoke Free Days

41,162
Cigarettes Not Smoked

$11,319.55
Amount Saved

Days: 356 Hours: 23
Minutes: 55 Seconds: 23

Life Gained

Hi TM,
 Sorry to hear about the slip, but that's okay.  For most people, that's part of the quit journey. I'll bet you could not ride a bike the first time you tried, but with practice, you learned how to do it. It's about the same for quitting smoking. Each time you slip, hopefully you learn something. You learn what happened, and maybe how to deal with it in a different way so the next time when the same trigger happens, you're ready to deal with it head on and move on. Are you doing this cold turkey, or are you using nicotine replacement therapy? I quit with the help of the patch, at least for the first month. Not sure if I could have quit cold turkey or not. Nicotine is a very nasty drug.
"my only solace is that I've now had 2 in 28 hours instead of 20" And that kind of feels good doesn't it? ANY progress is good, even if it's just a little. "but will keep trying" That's the spirit! Never give up, never surrender The only way you lose is if you quit trying. "just want to crawl up into a ball alone somewhere and ride it out" Believe it or not, this is a typical emotion or reaction to the quit. For 30+ years you've had a cigarette to fall back on when things get tough, or when something stressful happens, or when you wanted to celebrate anything, the list goes on and on. When you quit you no longer have that "crutch" to lean on and you have to find a new way to deal with each situation. It's just going to take some time to re-train your brain to survive without that drug. 
Just keep trying and don't let it get you down when you slip. Eventually you will become stronger than the urge and you will beat this addiction. 
Stay strong.
 
Not One Puff Ever
 
 

Tim

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Sparrow1975
Dec 04, 2018 (03:49 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 46
Joined: Aug 13, 2018
Last Visit: Dec 04, 2018

Gender: Female
Country: Australia
Hobbies: Lover of nature and animals
1064843

58
Smoke Free Days

1,160
Cigarettes Not Smoked

$464.00
Amount Saved

Days: 5 Hours: 15
Minutes: 53 Seconds: 13

Life Gained

I read somewhere that every hard feeling, every tear and sadness associated with quitting is the subconscious mind healing itself of the addiction. I like that. It gives some positivity to the misery. 

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Sparrow1975
Dec 04, 2018 (03:46 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 46
Joined: Aug 13, 2018
Last Visit: Dec 04, 2018

Gender: Female
Country: Australia
Hobbies: Lover of nature and animals
1064842

58
Smoke Free Days

1,160
Cigarettes Not Smoked

$464.00
Amount Saved

Days: 5 Hours: 15
Minutes: 53 Seconds: 13

Life Gained

Hi mockingbird
I hear ya very well. Ive been on the smoking/quitting rollercoaster for about a year now. Its not fun...its worse than when l used to just smoke and accept l wad a smoker. Ive been trying to quit for a year now and all thr failed attempts has made me weaker not stronger. I end up thinking maybe lm one of those ppl whos destined to smoke for the rest of my days. Another part of me wont give up. I think l want to quit so badly how can something l want so much be so hard. I understand the sadness you feel...you just cant stop thinking about smoking. The thoughts torment you and you feel miserable. But one of these days my quit is going to stick. Im trying again today, l have about 7 left then lm trying to ditch them....again. Maybe we can do this together and support one another through this. I hope you dont give up. The tears will be worth it in the end. 

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StellaBlue
Dec 04, 2018 (11:57 AM) Reply | Quote 


        
Posts: 115
Joined: Jun 25, 2018
Last Visit: Dec 14, 2018

Country: Canada
1064841

I can't even let myself think about the amount of money I wasted buying a pack just to smoke one and throw the rest out.... I did that sometimes multiple times per week.  And then tried to shame or shock myself into quitting my berating myself for basically spending $10 per cigarette.  All that did was result in me no longer throwing the pack out at all, and guaranteeing anywhere from 1-24 more relapses :/ I know the feeling well. Quitting was hard for me.  It's hard for most people.  But it IS possible, as Timbo said.  Whether you take the direct route (like Timbo did when he quit) or the long and painful route (like I did), all roads lead to China if you just keep trying and until you get it.  The bad part DOES end.  And quicker than you might expect, too, if you just muscle through it.  Are you using quit aids, or are you more of a cold turkey fellow?  I needed a quit aid in the end of it, even though I really wanted to be a puritan about it.  What I finally settled on was the idea that anything that fed into the idea or the action of a quit was good.  Anything that fed into the idea or action of smoking was not good. Quit aids ultimately fell into the former camp, and today I'm grateful the help was there because I think I would have chased my tail for several more years without it. It really helped with some of the initial gaping-void pain of the whole ordeal.

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Tequila Mockingbird
Dec 04, 2018 (10:38 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 03, 2018
Last Visit: Dec 06, 2018
1064839

Thanks for the support Timbo & Stella - I cracked and bought a pack last night .... took one out and threw the rest away .... guess we've heard that one before :) .... now going through the same crying this morning ... can't focus on anything but the issue - my only solace is that I've now had 2 in 28 hours instead of 20! I know this isn't quitting ... or 'the quit' yet but will keep trying - still shocked by the emotional effect ... just want to crawl up into a ball alone somewhere and ride it out ... it definitely helps having this support!

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Timbo637
Dec 04, 2018 (09:42 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 475
Joined: Dec 03, 2013
Last Visit: Dec 12, 2018

Gender: Male
Country: United States
Occupation: Laboratory technician
Hobbies: Computer nerd, bird watching
1064838

1871
Smoke Free Days

41,162
Cigarettes Not Smoked

$11,319.55
Amount Saved

Days: 356 Hours: 23
Minutes: 55 Seconds: 23

Life Gained

Hi Tequila Mockingbird,
 How is day 2 going for you? Are you still a quitter? StellaBlue has given you some wonderful advice. Another thing you might want to do is go through the "my program" at the top of the page. It can help you prepare for the quit journey which, as you've found out, can be really hard at times. The better prepared you are and the more you know about what to expect, the easier it "should" be, not that it's going to be easy though.  There are a lot of great tips and hints buried in these forums. If you have the time, read though them to help you. I smoked over a pack a day for 37+ years and I'm here to tell you that you CAN do this. Like Stella said, it's more of a mind game than the dealing with the physical withdrawal. The physical part will be over in 3-4 days. The mental part goes on for a long time, but it does get easier as the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months. Just concentrate on the present and don't think or worry about the future. I wish you the best on your quit journey.
Stay strong and keep us posted on your progress okay?
 
Not One Puff Ever
 

Tim

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StellaBlue
Dec 03, 2018 (01:58 PM) Reply | Quote 


        
Posts: 115
Joined: Jun 25, 2018
Last Visit: Dec 14, 2018

Country: Canada
1063841

Hi Tequila - the first couple days are the worst.  My brain felt hijacked by smoking.  It was all I could think about, which was really upsetting when the one thing I was trying to do was NOT smoke.  Couple that with the very real emotional symptoms of nicotine withdrawal, and it can make for some very real tears and irrational thinking.  For me, the two most important things I did in the first week: 1) Learn the value of deep breathing to calm my central nervous system, and 2) DISTRACT MYSELF!!  The longer I sat stewing in how awful it felt to want a smoke, the more likely I was to cave in and smoke just to end it.  Do a chore. Do a work task. Play a game on your cell phone.  Anything to pull focus away from smoking, and your brain's insistence that you keep thinking about smoking.  The third (or maybe the most) valuable thing I did was resign myself to it.  Accepted that this will probably suck, and if I want it to stop sucking quickly, the quickest route from a to b was to simply stick to it this time.  Then I got on here to get out all the thoughts, distract myself with all the reading, and remind myself that I WANT to quit smoking.. It's not a punishment. It's liberation, ultimately. You just have to get through the muck of it first.  Post all day long here if you want.  I'm doing admin at my desk for the next few hours, so I can check back in here periodically if you need someone to listen.

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Tequila Mockingbird
Dec 03, 2018 (12:43 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
Posts: 5
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Last Visit: Dec 06, 2018
1063840

On hour 6 ... it's 12:30 lunchtime - last one at 6:30AM .... about to cry ... for real ... WTF! ...... a 49 year old man whos smoked 15-20 a day for 30+ years - need to keep moving ... this is tough! :( .... have to persevere ... moment to moment right?

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