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StellaBlue
Mar 21, 2019 (09:31 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Week three, how incredible.  I know you want to ditch the spray, but go smart and easy with it.  I love the idea of alternating with the mints (I ate bags and bags of Scotch mints during my quit attempts!) as a way to taper down with it.  

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Sparrow1975
Mar 20, 2019 (07:44 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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23
Smoke Free Days

460
Cigarettes Not Smoked

$184.00
Amount Saved

Days: 2 Hours: 7
Minutes: 20 Seconds: 42

Life Gained

Day 21
 
Thanks so much Tim....no l cant believe it. I didnt have faith that l would make it this far with all my failed attempts. Im so glad l kept trying. It is indeed blah weeks because it feels like things dont progress anymore but you guys say they will so l trust you. I tried to give up my nicotine spray and it was harder than l thought it would be....l felt intense cravings to smoke so lm continuing with the spray. It feels a bit like cheating now. I just want to break all chains. I think l'll substitute spray with mints (then l'll have a sugar problem- lol. Im ok with that) lt feels fantastic to not be plagued with thoughts of smoking through the day but yes my triggers are still kicking - stress, sadness and places so l will keep saying - No! Not today! Not ever!  

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Timbo637
Mar 20, 2019 (09:35 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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$11,906.40
Amount Saved

Days: 385 Hours: 4
Minutes: 20 Seconds: 7

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Hi Sparrow,
 THREE WEEKS for you. Can you believe it???  A huge congratulations  to you!!! Another milestone reached.  Keep your quit going and be sure and watch out for those triggers.  Into one of the blah weeks now, you may not notice any difference in your quit but we sure do. Your writing is starting to have a "I CAN do this" attitude about it. Awesome.
Stay strong.
 
Not One Puff Ever
 Another milestone reached

Tim

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StellaBlue
Mar 17, 2019 (01:16 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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That sounds like it was a tough day and overall kind of a bummer.  But the bottom line is that YOU DIDN'T SMOKE.  It might have felt like a bit of a hollow victory at the time, but for me on those kinds of days I would often end up retroactively pleased for myself once I had the gift of a bit of hindsight.  It IS a victory to make it through those bummer days when quitting doesn't feel good or easy.  To stick it out even on a day when the rewards feel low - that's a true win.
 
Facing those less common smoking triggers will get easier with time.  By the time I had a good solid foundation of quitting underneath me, I would still occasionally be surprised by the uncommon situations that would make me crave a smoke out of the blue.  But one by one, each one would roll around, and I would not smoke, and then I would have a new precedent to work from.  I actually found some of those uncommon triggers to be tougher, because I was not mentally prepared for them to pop up and so my defenses would be lower.  The usual suspects (driving, waiting, meal times, first one in the morning, etc) were expected and so I would show up armed, so to speak.  The surprise triggers were a little scarier because I would have to do some unexpected on-the-spot mental work to dismiss the cravings. Again, labelling it helped for me: "Hmmm, interesting, here's a smoking time I totally forgot about. My brain is letting me know that I used to grab a smoke after a doctor's appointment ... Well, now I don't do that." These little self-talks coupled with intentional deep breaths to calm the central nervous system were really effective for me.  It is now SUPER rare for me to surprised by any smoking-related thought.  All those situations eventually roll on up, and then roll on through.  Just keep it going. 

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Sparrow1975
Mar 17, 2019 (12:47 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Days: 2 Hours: 7
Minutes: 20 Seconds: 42

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Thanks Pappy and Tim for reading whats possibly the longest post in history. I lost my bearings a bit that day . Thankyou for supporting me through what has been a challenging time. This time has tested me and theres been some healing around the stress-trigger. You are both right in saying its natural for me to feel triggered by events and places. I think its time for me to stop tipee-toing around life and face my triggers head-on. I just have to commit to - No! Never again! No matter what!

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Timbo637
Mar 16, 2019 (03:49 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Days: 385 Hours: 4
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Hi Sparrow,
 Sorry to hear you had some bad news, but grateful to hear that are still on your quit journey. You sure are having your resolve tested that's for sure. Step back take few deep breaths to clear your head, then keep moving forward on your journey to freedom. One day, one hour, one minute at a time if required, just stay strong. I hope your health issues work out for you too. Those triggers you are talking about, "places and situations where l used to smoke" should get easier to deal with as time passes, it's just going to take a while for your brain to adjust to the new lifestyle. 
 I hope you are feeling a little better today about your situation, and your outlook on life. I really do wish you the best.
Stay strong.
 
Not One Puff Ever
 

Tim

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Pappy
Mar 15, 2019 (06:22 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Days: 5 Hours: 7
Minutes: 49 Seconds: 24

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Hey Sparrow sorry to hear about your bad news yesterday. "Ultimately l didnt smoke so l guess l had a win but l feel very flat about the whole situation."  I think you need to be really proud of yourself. You were definitely facing some difficult challenges yesterday but you didn't give in to the nicotine beast. I for one am proud of you. I completely understand what you mean by places and situations that were so comfortable when you smoked and now when you don't it feels like there is some kind of void that needs to be filled. It's the nicotine beast playing head games that's for sure. As much as I try to stay away from stressful situations there is always some ***t that comes up that tests me and I can't lie, even after 21 days smoke free there are times that I really have to fight the beast back. " I didnt want to undo the work ld put in and I knew l would regret it after just one cigarette" That's a great way to look at it. I find myself saying almost the identical thing when I am tested. All I know is that as time continues to pass this will continue to get easier and that I just need to remain strong and diligent. I think your doing great, STAY STRONG!!!

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Sparrow1975
Mar 15, 2019 (05:54 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Days: 2 Hours: 7
Minutes: 20 Seconds: 42

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Day 16
Yesterday l had a realisation of just how  fallible l still am. I said in an earlier post that lve been able to keep things here very normal and subdued to avoid triggering myself. Im not working atm so lve mostly stayed home and avoided stress. Yesterday l had 2 appointments and errands to run. The first appointment was with the doctor. Normally l would get there early, grab a coffee from the cafe and enjoy a cigarette before my appointment. I really craved this one yesterday. I missed my little ritual. Then l was given some not too good health news (not smoking related). I need to have tests done for a painful muscle condition l am having. This upset my mood for the rest of the day (because if its what l think it is its not ideal). Then with my mood down l had to go to another appointment and was driving around and away from home for several hours. Whilst out and about l really missed smoking more then l have since the first days. It felt strange to be rushing around without stopping for smokes in between. I reallllly craved so much. When l finally got home l had a cry about my health news. Ive had quite a bad run health wise over the last year so this was the icing on the cake. I started to think things like "whats the point? My health is up to **** anyway" and "lve tried sooo hard to put an end to addictions over the years and there's no reward. I may as well smoke". All these self-defeating thoughts were running through my mind and on top of that really wanting to smoke to self-soothe.  l toyed with the idea of going to buy a pack "just for now" l thought. I pictured myself at the tabacconist buying a pack. 
Yeh yesterday was a **** of a day and it made me realise how weak l still am. I was just saying in a recent post that l cant handle upheaval and what do you know....the world tested me. Ultimately l didnt smoke so l guess l had a win but l feel very flat about the whole situation. I didnt want to undo the work ld put in and I knew l would regret it after just one cigarette so l decided not to but l didnt at all like feeling that vulnerable and craving so much in one day. I dont trust myself yet....too much adversity could bring me undone. Another thing l noticed is lm triggered by places and situations where l used to smoke. My hope and dream is that one day (some time this year preferably) l will be able to handle any challenge, circumstance or place without craving a cigarette. Then it will be sunshine and rainbows for Sue -haha 

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Sparrow1975
Mar 14, 2019 (05:02 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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I feel wonderful thanks Pappy. Now lm wondering why it took me so long to do this. Its like this time around something just clicked in me which didnt happen the other times l tried to quit. Im so happy l didnt quit trying. To reward myself?? I dont know...maybe try out a nice vegan restaurant which l havent done before because theyre all far from where l live or maybe buy myself something nice. 
Thanks so much for all your support and morale boosting guys  lt means tons. 

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Pappy
Mar 14, 2019 (07:43 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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That's fantastic. How good do you feel to be at two weeks? It's such a great feeling to realize that you can beat the nicotine demon. 

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StellaBlue
Mar 14, 2019 (06:19 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Wowza, two weeks..... what an accomplishment!  I think you are playing things very smart by intentionally reducing highly triggering situations for the first little bit.  Your confidence will grow over time (as will your reluctance to break the quit count as the days get higher and higher!).  You're already experiencing some stretches throughout your days where you are not thinking about smoking - isn't it amazing how quickly that can start to happen?  So now's the big question.... what are you going to do to reward yourself for hitting two weeks??

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Timbo637
Mar 13, 2019 (06:09 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Days: 385 Hours: 4
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Way to go Sparrow!!!!!!!! 2 weeks of being a NON-SMOKER.  This is a HUGE milestone for you. They don't make enough exclamation marks for this.  "So l guess lm walking on eggshells a little" It's still early in journey, so walking on eggshells is the safe thing to do. Like you said, you never know when something is going to test you, and the longer you go without smoking, the more confidence you will build up in yourself, and the harder it will be for that darn Nico-Demon to make you cave in. You are doing GREAT, keep it up. You know, you need to reward yourself for all of the effort you have put into this attempt. Make it something nice for yourself.  " I like to get away to the countryside occassionally but l associate travel with smoking so much that l dont think it would work" You know this is a big trigger for you so give it a little more time if you can. You will get there soon. "Another one is if a tragic event happened in my life or something majorly stressful....that could unhinge me" No matter what, you just have to stay strong. Now you need to start learning how to deal with "stress" in a different way other than a cigarette. You'll figure it out I'm sure. 
 Hell week...complete. Heck week...complete. Blah week...in progress and the determination is getting stronger by the day!  
Stay strong Sparrow.
 
Not One Puff Ever
 

Tim

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Sparrow1975
Mar 13, 2019 (05:24 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Days: 2 Hours: 7
Minutes: 20 Seconds: 42

Life Gained

Yessssss!! I made it to week 2. I used to dream about making it 2 weeks (l thought if l could make a fortnight ld certainly continue) but l had so many failed attempts that l began to think l just wasnt cut for it and ld never achieve quitting. The idea of and more so the act of quitting was soooo hard for me and yet here l am 14 days in and counting. I feel pretty safe now going about my daily business and this is the freedom l was craving....just to be able to do my thing without thoughts of smoking plaguing me. I still think about smoking several times a day....maybe 5-6 times a day but the thought passes easily enough. Im by no means complacent though because l still feel like if something out of the norm happened it could bring me undone. For example l like to get away to the countryside occassionally but l associate travel with smoking so much that l dont think it would work. Another one is if a tragic event happened in my life or something majorly stressful....that could unhinge me. Ive been able to keep things around here very normal so that lm not triggered, even not leaving the house as much. However life cant stay like that. It throws things at you when you least expect it and lm just not ready for those things. So l guess lm walking on eggshells a little. My hope is that time is strengthening me (even though it doesnt feel like it) and one day l will know that l can handle any challenge without smoking. For now l'll celebrate the small wins  

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StellaBlue
Mar 13, 2019 (06:59 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Another update please!!!! Are we in WEEK 2?!!!

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Sparrow1975
Mar 11, 2019 (04:41 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Day 13
 
Pappy - thanks Pappy. It is nice to be sharing this journey with you and so true....all we have is our future and the option to make better choices with it. I just feel relieved that lm not punishing my body anymore.
 
Tim- yes it did take A LOT of attempts for me. Im so glad l didnt give up giving up. I think thats the key for some ppl...they just need to keep trying. It certainly was for me and lm far from out of the woods yet but so happy with how far lve come. Deep down l thought l was incapable of doing it. Thanks for reminding me that even though l feel mentally stuck l am still healing physically and so there is always change occuring. I actually did forget to think of the physical side of things. I still feel a little stuck mentally so its such a comfort to know time is not wasted....my body is repairing damage as you said.
 
Stella - thanks for being excited about my quit. So you noticed a "tonal shift" in my post...thats so nice to hear because l feel kind of stagnant. Yes l want things to change 'lickety-split' (haha) but lm telling myself that my brain IS rewiring....l just dont notice the changes unless l look back to 10 days ago, then l definitely feel the difference.  So l guess in two weeks l'll look back to now and see the change.

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