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 Timbo637
Sep 13, 2018 (12:42 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Bump up, especially for Milano.
 
Stay strong.
 
Not One Puff Ever
 
 
 

Tim

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Lolly 2
Jan 01, 2014 (04:31 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Dear Island,
 
I concur with everything everyone else has said, and yes, this is a great site!  Without it, many of us would not have run the course!
 
After I wrote my 'Dear John' letter, or eulogy I felt so much better, and I re-read it now and again  to remind myself of the mess I was when I quit.  I am a very different person now, and I feel a better one.
 
My Mantra for years has been "Never Look Back!  The Future is Ahead!  I love your one...The way is to get out of the way of the way.
 
 Love Lolly.   

Lolly.  

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Impalamania
Dec 31, 2013 (06:54 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Say goodbye to your old 'friend' Nic!

Choose Life...Better Benefits

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Hot SiO2
Jul 24, 2012 (05:44 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hey Island!!!
 
       Some have called it a "Dear John" letter and some, a eulogy.  I preferred the eulogy term because I needed to think of it as the death of what I thought was a friend.  I never wanted to look into the face of that thing or ever have it coming back into my life.  It never will.  
 
       It is like mourning if you still consider it as losing a friend.  After thinking about it for a bit in the beginning I just couldn't mourn.  I became angry at the demon, which seemed to help and when I realized that I had crushed the demon, the anger left and I was one of the happiest quitters ever!    
 
       Lots to learn and lots to experience... the roller coaster journey of quitting!  Best choice any smoker could ever make!!!
 
            Jim 
 
 

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island
Jul 22, 2012 (12:37 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Thanks for adding all your great insights and comments, Working On It!  I learned a lot from your response.  The idea of writing a eulogy is great.  I'll have to take a look at what you wrote and write one of my own.  I agree with what you said about the self-destructive side of us that keeps us locked in.  That is the main thing I'm facing now.  Trying to embrace a healthy life without that.  It would seem like a no-brainer, but of course it is more ingrained than that so easier said than done.
 
I like that you reminded all of us that the detox from nicotine is really only 3 days.  The rest is an interwoven set of habits and tricks we have played on ourselves.  It takes time to get beyond those, but finding ways to do things differently can displace and replace these without having to go into them too deeply if you don't want to do that.
 
I'm doing a little bit of both, but it's a choice I'm making.  And I have both a therapist and I'm training to be a therapist so I happen to like going into the muck and trying to figure it all out.  It's certainly not for everyone.  Some people just need to stop and move forward and not look back.  And that works for many.  I'm doing a little bit of that too, but every once in a while I pause and reflect on what it all means.  It's just part of my curiosity and desire to understand.  And it gives me a sense of power if I can pinpoint how something works and why it seems to linger.  Labeling it, even just to myself, helps me be able to move on. 

The way is to get out of the way of the way.

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Vincenza - Health Educator
Jul 22, 2012 (11:01 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hi Working On It,
 
Your post is very insightful, thank you for sharing and adding to this interesting discussion.  I recall you wrote about grieving the loss of a friend in the form of a eulogy.  I'm so glad it helped you move forward with new found strength in your quit.  Have you experienced feelings of grief since 'letting go'?  If so, how have you dealt with those feelings?
Vincenza, Health Educator

The SSC Support Team

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Working On It
Jul 22, 2012 (03:06 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hi Island,
 
I relate to what you are saying about the grieving.  In fact, I think I may have even described it as grieving the loss of a friend at one point. One of the health educators then suggested that I write a eulogy to smoking. It seemed like an odd but interesting exercise, so I did it for one of my blogs. Afterwards, I found that I had processed a lot more of the loss from doing the exercise. It really was a significant step in my letting go. Later, I noticed that a few others did the same exercise to help with letting go, as well. If you choose to do it, I hope you'll share it with the rest of us. 
 
As for the mother issues, Oy vey! That one is a toughie. My mother didn't smoke, but she can say and do things that push me towards more self destructive behavior. I still haven't told her that I have quit, since I don't want to hear sabotaging commentary. As Brenda noted about herself on another thread here, I am also working on developing connections and moving away from self destructive behaviors. But sometimes, we've got to to say good-bye to the the familiar--the mean ones that we used to call friends. 
 
I suspect that all of us have some personal issues that led us to smoke and have made it harder for us to quit. Honestly, the physical addiction ain't that big of a thing in comparison to the head trips we all have. Think about it. It only takes 3 days to detox completely. That is all there is to physical addiction. The rest is our mental stuff. Our fears, our anxieties, our behavioral habits, our desire to push others away or draw them closer via the habit, our rebellion against authority, our oral fixations, our refusal to admit that starting was a mistake, our comfort seeking , etc. That's the part we have to examine in order to keep the quit. 
 
Thanks for the great post. I was afraid to address some of the "psycho" issues before. I didn't want to get into a negative, whining discussion that triggered someone's relapse (maybe even mine )  Somehow, the way that you addressed it allows for a more constructive discussion. 

Slow and steady wins the race.

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Sonia - Health Educator
Jul 21, 2012 (07:10 PM) Reply | Quote 


        
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island,


Absolutely, smoking is not worth it!

Thanks as always for your contributions on the boards.

Sonia

The SSC Support Team

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island
Jul 21, 2012 (06:58 PM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Thanks.  I like this site.  The program materials are great and the feedback is all positive and helpful.  
 
I hope if anyone takes anything away from what I said, it is that cigarettes may seem like that friend or glue that you have used as support, but if you really take a hard look at it, they are only a little bit of paper with dried leaves in them that you burn up anyway.
 
Yet they cost so much in terms of health and money and freedom.  It's not really worth it. 

The way is to get out of the way of the way.

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Vincenza - Health Educator
Jul 21, 2012 (11:46 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Great perspective island!  Know that we are always here to offer support.  Continue to take it one day at a time and little by little it will get easier.
 
 

The SSC Support Team

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island
Jul 21, 2012 (11:14 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Well, when I realize that what I've been depending on is not a person or even much of a thing, but a piece of paper with dried leaves rolled up in it, I realize that there wasn't anything there really.  And what was there was slowly ruining my health and would eventually kill me.
 
There is anger there at the addiction, which keeps me focussed on quitting.  The mourning part I'm not afraid of.  It's about the fact that I didn't have other kinds of support when I needed it.  But that is something I'm used to dealing with.  
 
I have become more inspired to seek out support that is genuine.  Also realize that sometimes the feelings will happen and they will wash by like a wave so if I just relax and wait it out, I don't even need outside support.  I can support myself instead by realizing that things are temporary and won't be too much to handle.  That it's all toward a health goal.  And it's okay to have feelings about things as they change. 

The way is to get out of the way of the way.

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Vincenza - Health Educator
Jul 21, 2012 (10:26 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hi island,
 
Yes, the feeling of losing a friend when giving up cigarettes is a fairly common one from what I read on the forums.  Smoking has been part of your identity for a number of years and, as you described, acted as a glue throughout challenging times.  Without cigarettes now there may be a sense of loss or perhaps incompleteness. 
It sounds like this realization and understanding has given you a lot more strength to pursue this 'new life' smoke-free.  How has it influenced your quit or your mindset when you have a strong urge to smoke?
 

Vincenza, Health Educator

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breather
Jul 21, 2012 (06:26 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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Hello island I started smoking at age eleven and everything I did for the next forty plus years after that I did with a cigarette in my mouth. It was my life. You'll notice that I said was because it isn't anymore. Mourn the loss and move on. What we're talking about here is a life that's better than any life as a smoker could be. Of course the emotions are powerful as is the addiction itself powerful. I wish that there were an easier way but we do need to go through all the stages to heal. Quitting smoking has been likened to losing a best freind. We can't afford to be confused about this though. Smoking is no freind. A freind doesn't take your life or leave you attached to an oxygen bottle because you're fighting to breathe. Pain shared is pain halved the way I see it. So yes quitting is giving up your past to a certain extent. People , places and playthings. Anything that relates to the addiction has to go ( in the short term at least ) in order to get well and strong as you say. We are a resiliant lot and where there's a will we'll find a way. It's the emotional roller coaster. Welcome to the ride. On the positive side the coaster won't kill us but the addiction might. Excellent for you for quitting smoking. Be proud of yourself as we are of you. breather

H.A.L.T. hungry , angry , lonely , tired

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island
Jul 21, 2012 (12:15 AM) Reply | Quote 


       
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I realized today in a powerful way something that I thought I knew, but you know how you find out things at an emotional level even when you thought you already knew them?  It's like that.
 
Giving up smoking is giving up my past to some extent.  Parts of myself that were glued together by cigarettes, hard times that seemed to only be mended by smoking.  Then there is a deeper history. My mother smoked, even during pregnancies, and she was a very aloof and abandoning mother so the smell of smoke is really all I have to relate to.
 
As I give up this part of my life, I'm starting to feel a sense of loss that I never had before.  I'm giving up a maternal entity, no matter how phantasmatic it was for me.  I'm also giving up parts of myself.  I want to, don't get me wrong, but I wonder about the process and if other feel like I do.   Perhaps the sense of loss is also for my innocent self who didn't know any better or was just trying to get through.  I don't have all the answers, but I do know that it is not a simple thing.  And mourning is necessary for certain changes, that mourning is not always pleasant.  But you have to go through the stages to be well and strong again.
 
I wonder if people have compared giving up smoking to mourning and the losses that result. 

The way is to get out of the way of the way.

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