Date Joined: 1/24/2009 5:24:27 PM
Posts: 702
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Public Profile for Impalamania
Age: 52
I am: Male
I am from: United States
My occupation: Director of Operations
My hobbies: Classic Cars, Landscaping, Golf, Computers
Signature: Choose Life...Better Benefits
I, Impalamania of United States, pledge my commitment to quit using tobacco forever. I have set 1/19/2009 as my quit date. My main reasons for quitting and the things I will personally do to be successful are:My improved health. I am sick of the continued shortness of breath, the wheezing while simply breathing and the overall affects on my sinuses.
It has destroyed by motivation to do anything. Just as I can justify lighting up a cigarette, I have taken this same process to create an excuse not to do something because of the physical limitations created by smoking.
My Mileage:
My Quit Date: 1/19/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 598
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 17,940
Amount Saved: $4,709.25
Life Gained:
Days: 101 Hrs: 7 Mins: 18 Seconds: 0
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My Quit Blog
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Jason the Health Educator
9/3/2010 7:54:08 AM
On August 30th, Jason posted the following. It is a terrific description of some of the crap I am still dealing with after a year-and-a-half. Not whining....just trying to sort things out:
With regards with being annoyed and angry. People in recovery do have ups and downs, and sometimes more downs than ups unless they adopt new ways of coping, none of which happen overnight. We keep saying that quitting is a process. Anger may play an unexpected role for you in this process, and better coping skills need to be developed to deal with this also.
When many smokers quit, they go through changes that require some unmasking. Take anger, for instance: As nicotine addicts, we might have swallowed our anger, or lit up/chewed rather than make a scene when something really irked us. It might have been easier and less stressful than engaging in confrontation about some problem. I'm confident that most smokers who were "put in their place" can remember exhaling the smoke slowly at some time or other to decompress. They puffed or chewed away for dear life rather than say their piece and end up getting fired from a much-needed job, to offer one example, or be in an in-laws bad book forever, to name another.
In such anger, a nicotine fix became the crutch, the comforter and the savior of sorts, and quite a coping mechanism! (Or so we thought anyway.) Get my drift?
With the giving up (and loss from our lives) of that lifelong 'all-round friend' the cigarette, we literally go through mourning with all its stages, including the stage of sadness and anger. Quitting is a major loss, both physically and psychologically, and in addiction, a quitter will naturally mourn that loss for a little while, until they freely accept the quit and adopt it, just letting go of smoking or chewing.
But besides that mourning, there are also things that can naturally trigger an angry response in a quitter: For instance, typical little things such as finding an empty roll on the toilet paper dispenser, discovering someone's dirty laundry on the floor, coming across dirty dishes in another part of the house, etc., all could NOW send a quitter into that angry zone. When you smoked you might have lit up and maybe said nothing in those situations, maybe even allowed yourself a sigh of exasperation. Now, however, it could send you in a real tailspin. It's demoralizing if you turn into an ogre and don't know how to deal with it.
If so, realize that in this situation, you are resorting to anger in response to a small trigger. You are coping with an irritant by getting angry. Something isn't right here, correct?
Without a nicotine fix, the next irritant to come along might be added to the mental stack of current irritants, until the quitter either learns to deal with them in a new way, or has an outburst.
Dysfunctional anger management? Inadequate communication habits? Quitting is a learning process. In smoking days, some of the time we lit up to cope, and that particular coping avenue is gone now. We have to find other ways.
The same irritants exist as before, but upon quitting, the coping mechanism of old is not there. Some quitters will lash out for a while until they learn what is happening to them and how to deal with it. While they are trying desperately to stay quit and focus their attention on dealing with cravings, they may not be aware right away of some of the other things happening to them.
Sudden anger is unpleasant and scary for the quitter, not to mention your loved ones, friends and co-workers. Quitters and family alike feel helpless for a little while, amazed (and maybe fearful) at what is happening, at how easy anger rises. It can take a couple of weeks and maybe one memorable outburst to really alert you to stop and take an inventory of sorts. As soon as you can, develop adequate strategies. It may take a while to get everything right, but everyone has to begin somewhere. Do not resort to smoking or chewing! There are ways to deal with it.
Gaining control over nicotine addiction involves recovery, which in turn involves self-discovery and self-appreciation, and it is a process of necessary change on many fronts, including how we deal with many things.
A quitter who is angry may realize he/she is stressed to begin with. He should try to reduce his stress level, to reduce the bigger things that normally would not make someone feel really angry about an empty paper dispenser. (Maybe annoyed, but angry?)
Accepting our own limitations and the limitations of others is part of the discovery to be made. We've actually begun. We understand smokers, we now have a soft spot for them, but don't want to be in their shoes any more, and may dislike being near them. We don't want to condemn them. After all we were once really in their shoes.
Some strategies:
Take regular, planned timeouts for yourself. Be realistic and honest: How often did you take a break to light up before? 20, 30 times a day? More? For 5 or 10 minutes? That inner regular need for a break to change your thoughts or environment and decompress at regular intervals should not be abandoned altogether, now should it? Pay close attention to this old existing need. Substitute a breathing exercise or something relaxing and self-loving. Set an alarm clock if you need reminding and keep resetting it. Listen to some music perhaps too, or just pick a form of *regular distraction and relaxation*, and do it for a couple of minutes each time. If you take regular 'non-smoking decompression breaks, you may be pleasantly surprised at the results.
Practice relaxation techniques and adopt some into your routine. Successful people really do. Here is a simple breathing exercise when you feel tense: With shoulders back and tummy in, inhale deeply for a slow count of five, exhale for a slow count of five. Do five of these at a time. (You can do this at your computer too)
Each day, reflect on, and study your stress levels. Try to reduce the causes of other high stress in your life if you can, by altering the cause. Look at the cause-s. Much of it may be self-imposed.
* Consider looking for another job, in another line of work, if necessary.
* Learn to say no to the impositions of others. You are presently enrolled in a Quitting Course. (If you had to pay for a quitting program, would you not find a way to prioritize it above the demands of other people?)
* Don’t waste precious energy in criticism of yourself and others. Adopt a Live and Let Live attitude. Focus on your happiness. Anger releases bad hormones into your body. Work on the opposite.
* Put things in perspective.
Value yourself more. Believe that you are really something! Quitting is not for sissies. You may not have arrived yet, but you've left the starting gate. We do appreciate what you're going through. Start pampering and loving yourself, now! Talk positive self-talk to yourself. Some people are too self-critical. Ease up. No one is perfect.
The Canadian Institute of Stress believes that by doing something satisfying or pleasurable, we can take the edge off. This is so important! (Ahem, ever hear of making a reward plan?) The reason is that when we are experiencing enjoyment or pleasure, our body is pumping out less adrenalin. If you haven't made that reward plan, better late than never, do it now! (And then when you post your stats, share your rewards in order to inspire others to add to their plan too.)
Until you can control this anger, (what you say, the way you say it, how you react) it's better to take a time out than lose a friend or alienate a loved one. Isolate yourself in the bedroom or washroom until you feel you can control yourself.
Get adequate sleep and rest. Indulge in an afternoon or evening nap. There's nothing like fatigue to make us feel edgy to begin with. In recovery, we need more rest, as every organ in the body is going through some pretty serious adjusting and withdrawal over a few months.
Anger can be managed. Study up on anger management: Get a book from the library, search the Internet, or consider getting professional help.
Improve communication skills. Study up on this too. Get a book from the library. They give classes in this. Lots of fun. Really!
If you are a quitter going through this, please explain to your family and friends that this will pass as you recover. Here's to you!
A little note: If you cannot improve on the sadness and anger, I urge you to discuss this with your physician. The problem may be related to something else and your physician can help you through this.
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Day 587 - "Your Last" by Stickin to It-8/27/10
8/29/2010 7:12:52 AM
For whatever reason you find yourself here at the site today, it is at the very least a sign that you are showing some interest in quitting, or some middle ground in going to give it a try, or bound and determined to make it happen this time.
Because I smoked long, the luster of bound and determined was over used from so many unsuccessful attempts to quit. There was always something that came up that made me reach for that helping hand, my crutch and my friend; it could be no other way. I was doomed to be a smoker until the day that I died. Yes give me another nail for the coffin.
But wait something remarkable happened this time? What made it happen? Was I wiser or just plain had enough? Was it luck or deep desire? Was I thinking about cancer, cost of smoking, the very real inconveniences of smoking, my smokeless friends, my wife, my weakness, my freedom, my endurance, my strength, my hacking, my life long goal? Yes I was. And now I enjoy a life without these headaches and I don’t think of or care to smoke.
I would like you to consider some of my reasons for quitting perhaps some will ring true with you. While you are here and thinking about this, let's keep considering this. Keep the thought in the forefront because it may seldom or rarely come to mind as in every five years as it did for me.
So, prepare and let this time be your time. Assure your success by sticking to one day at a time
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by Duffis - February 2006
8/20/2010 10:26:57 PM
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I found this posting very poignant and prophetic this week. Thanks to you, Duffis, for your clear observations:
When we are close friends with someone, we intuitively know when they need a hug, a helping hand, or a sympathetic ear. Likewise, when we are going through bleak periods in our lives, we count on friends to support us through loss, illness, and other setbacks, both big and small. And while part of being a good friend means being there when the other person needs us, it is just as important to be there for our friends so we can share in their joyous celebrations and triumphs. A very good example of this is our family relationships here at the SSC. I sense some trying times for many of our members and I wanted to put this up for all to read.
When we look at other people, we see many of their qualities in innumerable and seemingly random combinations. However, the qualities that we see in the people around us are directly related to the traits that exist in us. "Like attracts like" is one of the spiritual laws of the universe. We attract individuals into our lives that mirror who we are. Those you feel drawn to reflect your inner self back at you, and you act as a mirror for them. Simply put, when you look at others, you will likely see what exists in you. When you see beauty, divinity, sweetness, or light in the soul of another, you are seeing the goodness that resides in your soul. When you see traits in others that evoke feelings of anger, annoyance, or hatred, you may be seeing reflected back at you those parts of yourself that you have disowned or do not like.
Because we are all mirrors for each other, looking at the people in your life can tell you a lot about yourself. Who you are can be laid bare to you through what you see in others. It is easy to see the traits you do not like in others. It is much more difficult to realize that you possess those same traits. Often, the habits, attitudes, and behaviors of others are closely linked to our unconscious and unresolved issues.
When you come into contact with someone you admire, search your soul for similarly admirable traits. Likewise, when you meet someone exhibiting traits that you dislike, accept that you are looking at your reflection. Looking at yourself through your perception of others can be a humbling and eye-opening experience. You can also cultivate in you the traits and behaviors t
Fix it if it's broke
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Day 578 - Christinas Getting It!!!!
8/20/2010 5:27:37 PM
So, yesterday I enjoyed the company of Christinas while I was away on business. What a terrific person!!! Your quit is getting stronger....and your prose is absolutely wonderful!!! Great post from Christinas:
There are times when this quit sucks...
There are times when "life is tough and the I need that smoke" becomes a mantra...
There are times when you just want to lose yourself in that blue smoke again - just because you can...
That is when, you reach out for the person you trust the most. For the helping hand, for the kick in the ash or for the reaffirmation that you are going to be OK.
I was reminded today that being alone in this quit is not a smart thing to do.
I was reminded today that reaching out for support is OK and not a sign of weakness.
I was reminded today that giving and receiving is part of the healing.
And, above all, I was reminded today that good people - amazing people - are still out there if you know where to look and are lucky enough to meet them. I was. After 319 days of online friendship and support, I was lucky enough to meet my quit partner: Impalamania. It is so good to be able to share emotions and experiences and look back, together with someone that knows exactly what you went through.
I know it has been said before but get a quit buddy. It makes a difference. We are addicts. We need mentoring. We need a go to person. All the support you are given here is amazing. And there are so many people ready to extend their hands and welcome you to the better side of breathing. Take that support. Accept that helping hand. And you have a better shot at making this quit, the final quit.
As for you, partner, our pledge still stands - we keep this quit, buddy! Lucky to have you as my quit partner.
Keep the quit
Cristina
My Mileage:
My Quit Date: 10/5/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 319
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 11,165
Amount Saved: $1,451.45
Life Gained:
Days: 30 Hrs: 7 Mins: 18 Seconds: 25
Cristina
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Day 578 - A Pleasure to Meet You
8/20/2010 1:07:34 AM
Tonight was a real joy. I took a virtual leap of faith and made contact with a fellow SSC'r and met face-to-face. My dear quit buddy, ChristinaS and I met over drinks and hors'dvores on the patio of a restaurant that allowed smoking. We laughed and shared our stories and our scars and touched each others heart. I am so proud of her for her willpower and strength in her quit. I am humbled to have her call me her quit buddy. As a result, she is also a key part of my success and I proudly call her my friend. We addicts sure are a confusing, messed up bunch, eh?
Thanks again for your company You are a joy.....continue to enjoy your new freedom on your new softtail.....and Keep the Quit!
Dave
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Day 561 - Don't Miss You at All - by Rock
8/3/2010 8:56:17 PM
Posted by Rock, 8/1/10
As I approach my two year smoke free anniversary, I was thinking about an old friend. I last wrote about him on Dec 31, 2008. We spent over 20 years together, day in and day out. He would greet me when I woke up every morning, and he would be the last thing I saw before I went to bed. We went to Europe every fall. Boy did we have fun! He introduced me to some of his European friends too! He sometimes snuck his Cuban cousins through customs, and they were never caught! We had been to restaurants and bars in California, Massachusetts, New York, DC, Ohio, and many other places before he wasn't allowed there anymore. He would even get us a special hotel room every time we checked in. He lost his clout a few years ago, and then he was banned from most hotels. He cost me alot of money, over $3000.00 a year, just so we could hang out together. He contributed to an illness in March 2008, costing me 4 ER visits, surgery, short term disability away from work, and 7 months of blood tests and doctor visits. My doctor hated him. She told me to stop seeing him in June 2008, but I didn't listen to her. I had hung out with him for 20 years, I just couldn't throw him to the curb. Even though our relationship wasn't healthy, I couldn't say goodbye. Then on August 18, 2008, my doctor told me it was either him or my life. Our relationship was becoming lethal. He was on the verge of killing me. I had to make a decision, and I had to make it quick. It took me two days to really think about our future together. We had wonderful times in the past, but I knew that our relationship was finished. I said goodbye to him on Wednesday, August 20, 2008. I still think about him every once in a while, but I don't miss him. I see him lurking in the shadows. I can smell him in the air. I even have dreams about him every one in a while. And as I approach 2 smoke free years, I cannot believe the nicodemon and I were best friends for 20 years. He is no longer part of my life. I know I made the right decision.
Thanks for being there, Rock! Well done.
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Day 558 - Always Be Grateful
7/31/2010 7:03:55 AM
It is the last day of a week's vacation. I have revelled all week in the sights; the beautiful beaches, bodies, buildings and landscape and enjoyed the warmth of the day, the water and the people.
The goal on this last day is to document all that I can with my telephoto lens. My plan changes mid-morning when a teenage girl passes my lens and my seat and out of view. She returns in a few moments holding the hand of her elderly male relative, guides him into the water. He obviously has limited vision. But he, too, however, is taking it all in and having the time of his life!
My camera now rests, while I close my eyes and absorb the setting now with my other senses. The image is more permanent than a photo every could be. Always be grateful.
Keep the Quit,
Dave
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Where Does the Heart Go? - by Nonic
7/17/2010 8:43:25 PM
Good day fellow travelers:
It breaks my heart to read through many of the posts here. That is so because I hear the anguish and understand the pain that cessation's path requires. For so long, as addicts, we played a game of hide and seek. When trouble came our way, when people's actions and unforeseen events sent daggers through our very souls and anger, rage and sadness cut us like a knife, we ran and hid behind that ever present thin blue veil. We metaphorically put our hands to our eyes, inhaled the vapors and swore no one could see us there. And in many ways that was true. No one could see us there, because we internalized the pain we felt and eased its sting by bathing our wounds in a good old nicotine bath. And we did in that way become invisible.
However our invisibility also stripped us of our opportunity to confront the source of our indignation, our hurt, our sorrow our grief. By rendering ourselves invisible, we lost a million chances to grow stronger in our own hearts. We let go our opportunity to forge a stronger bond between our internal world and the external world. We fell victim to the ageless fear of the forest. We wrapped ourselves in the soft folds of addiction. We did not stand up for ourselves, we failed to practice gratitude for the life we have been given, we did not speak calmly to our aggressor, we did not reason with our partner, we did not address that which brought us so much pain. And the world heard no more from us.
But where does the heart go when there is nowhere to hide? The truth is that the heart needs no place to hide. The heart (self), that which you know yourself to be requires no excuse for existing. You are the product of a gardener of vast skills. You have a right to grow stronger, you have a right to seek the sun, to stand tall and be proud of who you are. You are a living breathing creative being who has something to add to the cosmic conversation. Do not silence yourself through self inflicted addiction. When the heart has nowhere to hide it must grow stronger, it must gain the confidence that comes from accomplishing difficult tasks, it must grow in compassion because it already knows the sting of rejection.
Remaining addicted is tantamount to destroying the vessel (body) in an effort not to experience the soul (self). Cessation is a chance to engage yourself, find new ways to deal with old problems. It is a second chance. Take hold of it today, tomorrow and on all your remaining trips around the sun.
stay well
nonic
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Day 544 - Punta Can I?
7/17/2010 3:10:28 PM
The journey to be an ex-smoker continues. I am very refreshed and renewed after a week's holiday in Punta Cana, D.R. The fresh air, white sand, blue water and free time did my mind a world of good.
Life continues to be a reawakening after 30+ years of being the victim of the nicotine addiction. One new chapter of this journey deals with being on foreign soil in a resort community with NO place prohibited from smoking.
For eight days I saw and smelled cigar, cigarette, pipe, ??? smoke on a consistent basis. I fought with the demon HARD from time to time. I dreamed of smoking. I smelled smoke in my sleep. I envisioned a lighter in one pocket and pack of smokes in the other. I considered how I would handle the buzz of a first smoke. I was offered a cigar from my beach neighbor.
The victory? I declined. I remain free. I am resolute in my desire to be free and will not return to the habits of the past. But continue to build new habits for my smokefree life.
For example, I enjoyed snorkeling and swimming with stingrays and nurse sharks....something I would never have considered as a smoker. What a tremendous joy to experience the wonders of nature (without wheezing and hacking) and sharing with family.
I won this battle and will continue to remain focused on the prize.....breathing freely!!!!
Keep the Quit,
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Day 544 - The Everest Analogy
7/17/2010 2:48:21 PM
Posted by Todash on 11/5/07....
The Everest Analogy...For Those Who Are Struggling
I’ve been reading a lot lately about people who climb mountains, specifically anything over 8000 metres high. Now this is a height over which is commonly referred to as the ‘death zone’ or a place where the human body can no longer sustain life. It takes weeks to acclimatize enough to attempt such an altitude, but even so, in the death zone the air is so lacking in oxygen it saps the body of energy so severely that it can take 8-12 hours to traverse a few hundred vertical feet.
Remind you of anything? I digress…
There is something driving these climbers to reach that ultimate pinnacle, the top of the world, to be able to say ‘I did it.’ The drive to achieve, the will to succeed is what presses them on, but when they get there, many are too exahusted to celebrate for long, because the climb back down is fraught with danger - in fact it’s more dangerous to climb back down than it was to reach the summit, due to exhaustion from the journey. Worse, now that they’ve reached their goal, the trip back to ‘reality’ doesn’t drive them as hard, even with such a huge achievement top of mind.
Still with me?
To kick Nic, we climb hard for that pinnacle, through our own mental death zone and beyond, bloodied fingers and all. We brave the elements of our daily lives, we battle our will and we - finally! - get to the point where we say ‘hot damn, I made it!’ But only then it REALLY gets hard. THEN, we need to get on to the part about living without nicotine. Turning around and going back down to an ordinary life. And at that point, how long’s it been since we’ve known such a life? 10 years? 20? 50? Ever?
I absolutely believe that stronger than any drug is the human spirit, the will to succeed at something. But tragically, when we feel defeated, when it gets too hard, that will is so dreadfully hard to dig up. I’ve no doubt that for many of us who smoked, particularly those who are currently finding it so desperately hard to quit the nicotine altogether, that will has been trampled over on so many occasions that it’s hard to remember we ever had a will to succeed in something. In ANYTHING.
But we did. Can you hold a knife in your hand? Tie your shoes? Colour within the lines?
A person who summits a mountain looks out across the peaks and celebrates success…success of the spirit, of the body (though oxygen starved - ring any bells?) but most importantly of the MIND. This I’ve read time and again: the most difficult thing about climbing a huge mountain is maintaining the power of the mind, keeping the body going through will alone. So keep climbing, peeps!
It’s so ridiculously easy to be weak - to say ‘I can’t do this, it’s too hard for me’. I was there, I nearly caved in on what should have been a great Paris vacation. But I kicked my own ash, raised my chin and asked myself what a waste of my energy it would be to have given up. What a cowardly thing to do.
To quit nicotine forever takes courage. Not mollycoddling, not affirmation that it’s ok to be weak - it takes COURAGE. Do you want to do this? Then do it. As I’ve said before, all you need to do is to STOP doing something. Stop smoking. Stop NRT. Just grit your teeth and stop. If you’re not ready, I hope you will be one day but no one will know that more than you. Keep reading, keep posting, and GET THERE.
To all who are struggling, I implore you to climb your own Everest, conquer your own K2. When you do, look back at us all and give a wink and a wave. We’ll be here smiling up at you with stories to tell of the great bend our roads have taken since we made the trip back to reality - there’s plenty of fresh air over here 
You’ll see.
x T
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Day 527 - Be an Eagle!!! Fly High
6/30/2010 1:53:41 AM
Penitent orginally posted this on 3/18/08:
I won't claim originality for this, I found it on the BBC Health website but it may help some people who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem.
•Think about the strengths, skills and abilities you have that can help you in your situation. (This is particularly important if you have identified that you have a tendency to ignore the positive.)
•Think about the external resources you can pull in to help. This might mean calling a taxi if you are late for a flight, or asking for some extra help if you are up against a tight work deadline, or having problems understanding something before an exam.
•When you are focused on your own fears and anxieties it can be easy to overlook some of the resources that are available - so make a conscious effort to appraise them.
•If the task seems overwhelming, try breaking it down into smaller chunks and facing these chunks one by one - ticking off your progress as you go.
•Check to see if you can make any compromises (particularly important if you tend towards 'all or nothing' thinking). Are there any elements of what you feel you have to achieve that are actually non-essential (if desirable)? Consider leaving them out for the time being, and coming back to them if you have time.
•Check that you aren't blowing the situation out of proportion (especially if you think you sometimes tend to exaggerate or over-dramatize).
Challenge your thoughts to assess how realistic they really are. There will be help with this through the rest of this section.
•If your negative thoughts are based on something you can't do anything about, then they aren't useful. And if they aren't useful, then it's time to stop focusing on them.
•Fake it until you make it! The simple act of smiling and laughing can help lift your mood and make it easier for you to see your world in a positive light.
•Begin each morning off on the right foot. Begin each day by naming everyone and everything you are grateful for. You can also alternate with naming each person you love and what exactly you love about them.
Keep the Quit
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Day 500 - It's All About Attitude
6/6/2010 10:05:04 AM
Thanks for this touching post, Christinas:
One foot in front of the other. Breath in, breath out. Keep the quit. That is what YOU taught me! On my lowest points and on my highest, you were there, leading the way. And I thank you for this!
I am being selfish, I know. But seeing you staying quit helps ME tremendously. You have been my quit buddy from day one. It has been an honor to follow in your footsteps and I am looking forward to many more anniversaries to celebrate together, my friend.
Reward yourself nicely
Keep the quit
Cristina
You have, as well, helped to keep me on the straight and narrow path and provide the necessary kick-in-the-a$$ when I get to wallowing in my self-pity. Thank you!!!!!
I still enjoy riding the freedom train. For 500 days, now, I have survived without a smoke hanging from my lips. I have, like many of you, found so much to see, smell, and enjoy without having to take a smoke break or subject the family and friends to my bad habit. I am SO proud of myself. I am SO proud of each of you.
The challenge, now, is to remain vigilant and not become complacent. That nicodemon rears his head from time to time when my stress levels increase. SO....I have to return to the basics...and urge each of you to post, read, and review your My Program from time to time as a reminder of the triggers and situations that put you at risk....then adapt accordingly.
To new quitters....you are doing so great. Immerse yourself in this journey for the first 100 days. The investment will pay huge dividends. You will learn so much about yourself. Keep your eyes wide open and be entertained at all the new and re-discoveries you had been missing while hiding behind the shroud of nicotine and smoke. Be sure to also REWARD yourself. As simple as a deep breath (what a joy when the rattle goes away), hold your breath (what a joy when you don't hack and cough trying to recover). Reward yourself often....by the minute, hour or day....you have earned it.
It can be a rollercoaster ride at times. But what a view once you get to the top....Keep a positive attitude and remember to change it when it sours.
I came to this site desperately looking for help, support, guidance and anything else to help me in my quit. What I found were strangers that became friends who need me as much as I need them. Together we are overcoming one of life’s most powerful addictions.
Keep the Quit,
Dave
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Day 499 - Eh...
6/2/2010 10:20:23 PM
So, I need to do some research. Nicotine must be an anti-depressant. Therefore, without it, one gets depressed? I am allowing myself to get sucked into a hole that is getting deeper. Simple advice: Quit digging. I am proud of my personal accomplishment, but feel so out-of-balance and out-of-character. Tired of being tired. Work is a mess. Relationships non-existent. Family on edge. Wierd times.
Breather suggests that N.O.P.E. means Not One Poor Excuse and to Snap Out of It.....
'Focus' is my nemesis. I literally struggle to stay connected to a thought for more than 5-seconds without a diversion and it is driving me nuts. I know my colleagues have to be frustrated, as my acknowledgements are typically laced with anger and frustration. Nothing seems good enough and I feel like a tyrant.
So....I am a whiner tonight....sorry.
Tomorrow is another milestone of sorts. 500 days. No big plans...just proud to be free of a nasty and controlling habit.....still struggling to learn how to live on the outside...much like a prisoner who has been returned to society after 32 years of incarceration.....there is much more to adjust to than simply smelling the roses...but damn, they sure smell good!!!!!
Keep the Quit,
Dave
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Day 486 - Rubbing Off on Others?
5/20/2010 10:38:45 PM
Today was a very good day. We gathered for an annual meeting with employees and I was overjoyed with the number of staff that had quit smoking this year. Two people, in particular, make me so very happy. Both were life-long smokers and, just like the rest of us, hopelessly committed to a lifetime of addiction.
Both were so 'pink' in the cheeks with renewed circulation and the constant rattle/coughing were clearing up, too.
They, too, have made a terrific decision. It reaffirms the decision I made 486 days ago to free myself from the addiction.
You can do this too. It takes a commitment and some heartaches...but the upside is so worth it.
Breathing wins....hands down!!!!
Keep the Quit,
Dave
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Day 478 - Feeling Toxic
5/12/2010 7:47:51 PM
Today I am down on myself. Overwhelmed with stress, lack of confidence and overall frustration with myself. I sense how my toxicity is impacting those around me. Vowing not to smoke again, I ponder next steps....do I take pills to bring me up? do I take pills to make me sleep? Feeling completely lethargic, alone and depressed. Tonight I log into the SSC and find this awaiting...
Todash.....you are amazing....Thanks and Amen:
I once bought a book called Toxic People. This book was about dealing with those people in our lives who shake our foundation of serenity and expect us to accept them for who they are without regard for our own wants and needs. And who are they? Bringers of negativity, bullying, hatred, anger, fear, and givers of nothing.
For smokers and former smokers, these may all too often be people in the closest realms of our lives - family members, bosses, cousins, colleagues, fellow students. If their toxicity is injected into our world early enough, with unrelenting frequency, we desperately seek to find a way to squirm away. Smokers fail. We picked up that sick stick, fired it up and felt endorphins rising, clouding view and judgement, making the effect of those toxic people not so bad - hey we felt much better when we smoked it away.
And the days, weeks, years as a smoker pile up.
And smokers rarely speak up to those toxic people, if ever.
And smokers rarely walk away, if ever.
And we rarely realise this is even happening, as smokers.
Now, as quitters, we really understand that cigarettes are a drug. We also understand that drug users are typically seeking a way to dissolve the pain in their lives, to make something about their reality a bit less harsh, a version of real that they dreamed about but haven't quite been able to find. They want to go to that happy place that looks something like the holo-deck on Star Trek, the fake life depicted in The Truman Show, an Avatar-like utopia.
Yes, blue like Avatar, but that's just the blue cloud. The blue tint of the lungs being starved of oxygen. Not utopia. Not here.
I am writing this on the back of a(nother) confrontation with one of my life's toxic people. On the back of making the decision to stand up, to breathe in deeply and decide once and for all that it's ok to block out the negativity in our lives, whatever, WHOMever represents it. This meant cigarettes nearly 3-1/2 years ago. Today it means someone I'd rather have around but now realise I cannot and will not because of their constant negative energy. My location on the planet makes this easier, so fortune smiles wryly. We can always put the phone down.
The point of all this? I would never in a million years have been able to unpeel this to see it for what it is without having stopped smoking. That is important, I'd ask anyone still reading to have another go at that sentence, especially if you've just recently quit or are struggling in any way. It is that understanding which gives my long term quit such great, awesome purpose.
This toxic battle with a toxic weed leaves residue on every corner of our lives - it masks what the true issues are time and time again. In all honesty, each day I grow more tired of fighting yet each day I find something else to fight for. I know I am far from the only one.
How to adjust? Stick around here with those of you who understand all this. Think alot. Keep not smoking. An REO Speedwagon song pops into my head - Roll with the changes: '...so if you're tired of the same old story, turn some pages...'
My friends and fellow quitters, I remain ever so glad to keep turning those pages with you. I've said this place has changed my life, and I'll keep on saying it, as my life keeps on changing.
Roll on.
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